Full disclosure: here at MAN v FAT we’re partial to a bit of sex. We’re also keen on you having sex, and not just ordinary sex either, we want you to have great sex, mind-blowing sex, sexy sex. However, feedback from readers has often pointed out that there is a disconnect when it comes to fat guys and sex and that is that sometimes (not always) what holds you back from having a fabulous time in bed, is that you’re not feeling fabulous in your head.
We simply won’t stand for that, so we asked our friend, world-renowned sex expert Kate Taylor (whose excellent website about all things sex you can find here) to take us through the steps to still having great sex when you might not be feeling that your body is you at your best. Strap in (or on, we won’t judge) and let’s get sexy…
So Kate – at MAN v FAT we support guys who want to lose weight and we sometimes get comments that men don’t feel sexy when they’re bigger. Give it to us straight – what do women think about having sex with bigger guys?
I’ve worked with dating websites for 20 years, and I’ve never met a woman who’s judgemental about a man’s weight. Height – yes. Hair – yes. Income – yes. Weight? No. Honestly.
Let’s be frank: you lot (men) can be insanely judgemental about women’s bodies, because you’re primarily aroused through your eyes. Luckily for you, women are much more forgiving of a Gregg’s loyalty cardholder. We’re aroused through sounds, touch and emotions. If you’ve got a deep voice, rough palms and a sense of humour, you’re in. Abs are merely a bonus, they’ve never been a requirement.
That’s a relief. So what do you do if you don’t feel sexy in your body? How do you get your mind around that issue?
The sexiest thing about a man is how gorgeous he makes US feel. If you focus on making the woman in your life feel desirable, you’ll receive so much love, approval and sex in return that you’ll forget about your insecurity. Or you’ll simply be too exhausted to care.
In your experience as a woman are there any elements of a fat man’s body that women like?
One magical quality that big men possess is the ability to make women feel thinner. It’s honestly a gift. All women suffer from body-insecurity, so having a partner in perfect shape can make us feel worse. Think of the scene in Crazy Stupid Love where Anna Stone sees Ryan Gosling’s perfect chest for the first time; he takes his top off and it makes her keep hers on. In contrast, a large man will make a woman feel tiny. We immediately feel petite, curvy and relaxed – and that’s what gets us roaming round your house naked.
Is the fat but funny trope a reality – can people like Peter Kay pull even if he’s bigger because he’s funny?
Women fancy men who can make them laugh. We LOVE to laugh and a sense of humour is an incredibly sexy quality. Please note: having a sense of humour doesn’t just mean you make us laugh; it means you laugh at our jokes too. But don’t fall into the trap of self-deprecation. That will put you straight into the Friend Zone. Peter Kay is hilarious but he rarely, if ever, makes jokes at his own expense, or about his appearance. The sexiest combination is a man who seems happy with himself, but doesn’t take himself too seriously. That’s really hot, whatever his size.
Without losing weight – if I’m a fat bloke how can I make myself look more attractive
Being well-groomed helps a lot. We love a man who looks put together – it shows he likes who he is, which is a very calming, sexy quality. So don’t postpone buying new clothes until you reach your perfect weight. Don’t put off trying a new haircut. Sometimes people stop taking care of themselves when they’re unhappy with their weight because they feel they don’t deserve it, or because they worry people might be shocked at their audacity. But it’s the opposite. The better care you take of the details – hair, nails, laundry (buy an iron and use it), watch, facial hair, aftershave – the more we’ll be drawn to you.
If someone suffers from buried penis or moobs how should we raise this with a prospective partner?
Save it till you’re in bed. We’ll know your approximate body shape just from your photos or your general appearance, and we’re not worried about your bits until you’re under our duvet cover. Have you ever met a woman who’s asked you to send a dick pic? If you’re scared your naked body won’t impress a new partner, dazzle us in bed before you take your clothes off. Use your hands, mouth and tongue on us unselfishly, and show us your skills while you’re still fully dressed. Then whip off your t-shirt and underwear, knowing you’ll be greeted with nothing but grateful lust.
Is there any magical shaving tips you can give that will make my penis look bigger?
Please, please don’t shave off all your pubic hair. It makes your willy look like an uncooked chicken drumstick. By all means trim the hair – go at it with your clippers on a Grade 5 – but put the razor away. We don’t like shaved men. It makes your testicles feel weird – like velvety kumquats – then immediately turns into painful stubble, which you sit around scratching while we’re trying to watch Selling Sunset. Shaving your bits also encourages STDs (especially genital warts), stops the scent of your natural pheromones, and causes bulbous ingrown hairs. Is any of this sexy? I think you know the answer. So keep a bit of mystery down below. I beg you.
The next in our Fantastic Fat Sex series continues with some practical advice around how to have great sex if you or your partner (or both of you) are bigger. If you’ve got questions about having fantastic fat sex then feel free to get us on Twitter or Facebook.
