MAN v FAT Confessions: Sports Bra

GPS training vest

Share this article

We have a strict no-judgement policy here at MVF. There are times when we’ve been through the bin looking for the packet of biscuits that we threw away and so the chances are we’re not really in a position to judge. Consequently, we thought we’d give our readers the opportunity to unburden themselves in the safest of spaces. We then do our best to offer impartial advice and suggestions. You can also add your own completely anonymous confession on the form.

Bless us Father, for we have sinned…

I’ve been playing on MAN v FAT Football for about two seasons and no, I’m not going to tell you what league. Anyway, this made me laugh so I thought I’d share it with you all. GPS training vest

So, when I first started playing football it was a massive confidence boost for me. I genuinely didn’t know if I was going to be able to do it. I’ve had a knee injury for a few years and so I was really slow when I started.

Then my weight dropped a bit and I was able to jog, then even do a bit of short distance running. It was a big step forward. However, the issue was that I’d not actually dropped loads of weight so I’ve still got a few lumps and bumps. Or as the Black Eyed Peas might put it, I’ve got my humps, my humps, my lovely non-lady humps. Moobs. Basically, I’ve got a decent pair.

After a while I noticed I was getting a bit of backache the day after football. Like any normal bloke I obviously thought it was cancer so I started googling it. Turns out that basically I was suffering from breast-induced back pain. I was trying to figure out what to do about it when I remembered that loads of footballers have started wearing those GPS tracking vests.

I had a bit of a rummage through my wife’s wardrobe when she was out one day and she had a black lycra vest that when I slipped it on seemed to do the job. I ran up and down the stairs and it definitely helped to pin my moobs in place.

I’ve been wearing the top ever since. It means I can’t get changed at the venue any more but I just go in my gear and take it off when I get in the garage at home and keep it in an old box of dustsheets. I worry that my wife will find out that I’ve taken it and wonder what else of hers I’m wearing (nothing, honest) but in the meantime it’s solved my back problems!

MVF: We’re firm believers that if it makes you more comfortable then you’re doing the right thing. After all, the more comfortable you are, the more you can exercise and the sooner you might not need your sports bra. Anyway, you’re simply the latest in a long line of footballing pioneers of men’s fashion. You think back to Liverpool’s white suits before the FA Cup, or Beckham wearing a sarong on the front cover of The Sun. Now add to that, you and your bra. 


We think you’ll like these articles too.

Start your fight against fat with man v fat football