In the first on our series of fantastic fat sex we looked at the issues of how to get your body going when your head isn’t in the game. This time we’re getting hands-on as our favourite sex expert Kate Taylor (whose excellent website about all things sex you can find here) takes us through the practical steps that you can take to make your sexlife go with a swing if you’re a bigger guy.
Ok Kate – let’s talk sex tips. You mentioned in the previous post about if you’re feeling insecure about your body then the best method of getting over that is to be wonderful in every other aspect of sex. What tips can you give us for getting it right?
Foreplay is your friend. Research found that men can go from arousal to orgasm in two minutes. For women, it takes an average of 12 minutes. So we need six times as much foreplay as you do.
Gulp.
Start by learning how to use your hands in the way she likes (not the way your ex liked, or how you assume she’ll like it). The best way is to ask her to touch herself while you watch. Notice where she places her fingers or her toys. The clitoris has arms that extend down both sides of the labia, so many women like pressure and stimulation down the sides of their clitoris, as well as (or instead of) on the actual button. Really pay attention while you watch – it’ll massively turn her on.
Then, for oral sex, enthusiasm unfortunately doesn’t make up for a lack of technique, so take time to learn some moves. (The omgyes series of videos are great.) In general, sucking feels better to us than licking. If you’re going to lick, try using a wide, flat tongue rather than a pointy tongue jabbing away like she’s a Cadbury’s Crème Egg.
If either you or your partner, or both, are overweight are there any particular positions that are better for sex?
Girl On Top is great, especially if you use pillows or a wedge under your hips. This will let your stomach fall backwards, giving more access to your nether region. If your partner finds Girl On Top is hard on her knees, she could lie on top of you.
Spoons can be harder, so try The Pretzel. Your partner lies on her side, while you kneel facing her. Straddle her bottom leg and raise her top leg. This position offers you good penetration (like doggy) but with the eye-contact of Missionary.
Sometimes, being overweight can mean your erections aren’t very strong. If you need a little help, try a cock ring (ideally, vibrating for extra stimulation) and use a rear-entry position that doesn’t need so much steel in your sabre. Doggy Style over a couch or armchair is good. Your partner can brace their feet against the floor to push back towards you with every thrust, doubling your efforts.
When it comes to oral sex – if your stomach is hanging down over your genitals, what’s a good way of giving your partner a clear run at things?
The best position would be you lying on your back, with her between your legs, facing you. Having her on that side of your business is best because it gives her access to the underneath of your undercarriage, which is (as you know) the most sensitive. Prop a pillow or a foam wedge under your hips to increase your view of the proceedings.
Are there any benefits to being a bigger guy when it comes to sex?
Let’s be clear: being overweight negatively impacts every part of sex – from how often you want sex, how easily you get an erection, right through to how much you enjoy it. The heavier you are, the more SHBG (Sex Hormone Binding Globulin) you have in your bloodstream. It binds to your testosterone, reducing the amount of T that’s available to do fun stuff, like point out your girlfriend is loading the dishwasher wearing a low-cut vest, or give you an erection about it.
The good news is, losing just a few pounds can reduce your SHBG to more fun levels. And losing weight will lower your cholesterol and increase blood flow in a southerly direction.
Weight impacts women’s sex lives, too. It can reduce blood flow to our clitoris and make watching Tom Hardy movies almost pointless. So losing weight together will really pay off.
Do you have any advice about pre-game prep for bigger guys?
Take time to build the connection and intimacy before you hit the sheets. It’ll be more of the foreplay she needs, and it’ll give you time to rev up to a stronger erection. Take a shower together or run each other a bath where you can wash each other – head to toe – and create a spa experience. Use sandalwood or vanilla soap (both scents have been found to arouse men) and use ylang ylang candles or massage oil in the bedroom to arouse your partner.
Try this tip I love from sex educator Layla Martin. In bed – before you start – kneel facing each other, looking into each other’s eyes. Set your intentions for the sex by taking turns to call in what you want. Trust me, it’s much hotter in person. So, you might say, “I call in passion and fun,” and your partner might say, “I call in long, slow foreplay, and the feeling that we are totally immersed in each other.” Not only does it boost your feelings of intimacy, but you get a sneak peek into what your partner is craving.
As we’ve discussed, fat sex really isn’t much different to any other body shape sex, it’s all about taking into account the body that’s put in front of you – that being the case what’s your favourite sex advice for anybody?
Mindfulness! The main reason good sex goes bad is we start overthinking things. If your mind tends to wander off in bed, get back into your body by making yourself focus on your senses. What can you feel? What do you see? Do it every time and you’ll start enjoying sex a lot, lot more.
Our thanks again to Kate Taylor who you should follow on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook if you want more excellent sensible sex talk. If you’ve got questions about weight or even having fantastic fat sex then feel free to get us on Twitter or Facebook.
