The 15 stages of joining a slimming club

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1. Please let there be another man there

2. Oh God, how much do I weigh?

3. I have literally no idea what you’re talking about

Fitpoints? Syns? Simply Filling? Healthy Extras? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN

4. This feels like the first day of school

There are SO many things to get to grips with

5. Let me just work out the points

It’s second nature when you get used to it, promise

6. You’ve made a cake that won’t eat up my entire treat allowance?! 

Recipe please.

7. It’s made from cous cous, Quark and a truck load of sweetener, you say?

I’ll pass, thanks.

8. “This week we’re going to talk about how our menstrual cycles can affect weight loss”

Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be staying for group tonight

9. A Snickers is only 16 syns

This is the best news you’ve ever heard

10. This is actually alright

There are definitely worse things you could be doing to lose weight

11. I’ve just spent my life savings in the meeting’s shop. 

Who knew Weight Watchers made their own chocolate digestives?! And only two points each. What a world.

12. …this is something you’ll only do once

They’re two points each because they’re the size of a postage stamp. Pass the McVities.

13. WEIGH IN DAY! How many layers is it acceptable to take off in public?

14. Yass weight loss success is MINE

All that counting points is definitely worth it

15. Now to do it all again next week…

Why can’t I just be 50lbs lighter already?!


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